Inspired iii

During the past few days after the camp there were unexpected things that happened. Things that are not good. During the camp, I really felt that I’m turning myself away from God. All I did was to give negative feedbacks about what was happening, I didn’t think about Him all those time. I focused on the flaws and with what I want. I was too selfish thinking about myself. All the time, I really didn’t think about Him. He only appears in my mind when I need something.

After the camp, I noticed that I was not in my right state. My mind was overshadowed. During the camp, all I think about was my boyfriend. I text him all the time, call him and etc. He was my center. I made him my “God”. Which I realize now is very wrong. After the camp, I got worse. I wanted all his attention to be mine. I always get angry with small things. My temper rises easily. But then I remembered the good things that happened to the camp. All the inspiring things and words from God. I saw little light in my mind. I saw hope, I realized that I can still make a difference. It is never too late for God. He is always there guiding us. But as for me, I didn’t see that. So the demons had an opportunity to invade my mind. After I had an inspirational talk with my cousin, the light grew bigger. It became brighter. I saw God stretching His arms towards me. Inviting me to walk to His path. A path which all people must take. I praise God for everything. He gave me this much confidence. Maybe I’m not yet fully recovered but I’m nearing in that phase. I feel a bit of light in my heart already. I know that He will never abandon us. All we need to do is trust our life in Him. He’ll never leave us. Even at the most hard situations in our life, He is there. He just never fails. He never failed. I just praise the Lord!

I thought the people in the camp already hated me. But I learn that they never judge. They have been so good to me all the time. They’ve been praying for me all this time! They even told me that I am a blessing to them. They are great people of God. I never knew that there were such persons. This experience made me realize a lot of things. It gave me gifts too. I gained more strength and more patience too. I am not yet fully recovered from the past but little by little I’m starting to be. Like what they’ve said in the camp, “Forget the past and move forward.” And at Jinny’s book, “Accept the past, strive here on the present and shapen our future.”

It is a good way to live a good life with Jesus. What I need to work with is my trust for the people around me, especially my “partner”. I had a huge trauma because every time that we are not together, I think about the bad memories and it IS not healthy. I get paranoid that he’s gonna leave me in the snap of a finger. I overthink and I didn’t trust the Lord. Again I was only thinking about myself. My selfishness grew bigger. But now it stopped, I have ended it. It was very healthy for me and God is happy for that.

Every time that I am having my bad thoughts towards other people. The demons are rejoicing, I never want that to happen again. I want them to VANISH! These creatures are the reason of my misery. But now that I am leaving with God’s words, I feel the comfort that He gives to me and to all of us. I just really want to build my trust with my “partner” and I know that the Lord our God will help me.

Little by little I’m already starting. I’ve shared things with my beloved cousins. I felt really great because the things that I’ve been holding inside me left me and I hope, that, it will never return. Well, almost, I guess. I just felt the lightness inside. Let us praise the Lord our God! Thank Him for everything. He’s the greatest and I love Him with all my heart.

With love,

Alyssa. :) ♥